So, when you’re dating or considering getting into a long-term relationship, look carefully for signs of difficulty with emotional vulnerability. And if you find some, try to look for signs that your partner is at least willing to try being more emotionally vulnerable:
- Are they willing to at least talk about painful past experiences or memories?
- Are they willing to try therapy or counseling to work through difficulties with vulnerability?
- And perhaps most importantly, do they acknowledge their difficulty with vulnerability?
We female seeking female all have weaknesses and sensitive spots, things we’d rather keep hidden. But if you’re going to get into a long-term relationship, it’s essential that you find someone who’s willing to work on themselves, even when it’s painful.
Guilt-tripping… Gaslighting… Call it whatever you want, but when your partner constantly makes you feel bad for feeling bad, it’s time to move on.
People with chronically low self-esteem and major insecurities are always looking for ways to feel better. And often this comes at the expense of other people.
One of the problems with dating someone who’s emotionally immature is that the relationship always ends up being about them
For example, emotionally immature people tend to criticize others often. By pointing out how someone else is bad/incorrect/stupid, it makes them feel good/clever/smart. Because they can’t figure out a healthy way to feel good about themselves, they point out flaws in other people which, temporarily, makes them feel better about themselves in comparison.
Suppose you’d like your partner to spend less time on their phone when you’re together. So you bring this up with them and a difficult, emotionally-charged conversation ensues. Eventually, your partner tells you that “Well, if you weren’t so insecure this wouldn’t even have been an issue.”
That’s emotional guilt-tripping. They twist a perfectly normal feeling in you-frustration that your partner often isn’t very present when you’re together because of their phone-and try to frame it as something bad.
Don’t fall for it. And if it becomes a pattern, that’s probably a sign that you’re dating someone who’s emotionally immature.
If your partner’s too insecure to respond in a mature way to genuine feedback and criticism, they’re probably not worth your time.
4. They’re Unwilling to Try New Things
If there’s one thing I hear over and over again about what is causing dissatisfaction in a marriage or long-term relationship is rigidity:
- She never wants to try anything new for holidays-it’s the same old routines year after year after year…
- I’ve asked him many times if he could start helping out with some of the chores around the house and he just never does.
- I’m really worried about our finances, and even though I’ve suggested lots of budgeting ideas or talking to a financial planner, she just refuses to do anything differently.
- He’s so stuck on parenting our kids the same way he was parented… He just can’t see that maybe we need to do something differently or at least learn about some different options.
On the other hand, one of the best signs that a romantic relationship will work out in the long-run is if each person demonstrates a willingness to try new things and learn to do things that are unusual or uncomfortable.
Everybody is going to say they’re open to learning new things, experimenting, taking advice and feedback, etc. But when you’re dating, you need to look for evidence that they’re willing and capable of this.
- Does the person I’m dating take feedback and criticism well? Or do they get defensive and argumentative?
